I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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