yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
