Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
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Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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