there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
