its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
you inspire me to be a worse person
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
