im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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