last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
