I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
two words...techno handjob
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
