Duck Duck Cougar?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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