p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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