the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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