I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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