i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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