i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
