So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you traded sex for a burrito?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
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He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
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I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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