The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
