Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Floor bacon is actually really good
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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