Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
