With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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