dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
