And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
