Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
