That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
