so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
