brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
