Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
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If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
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