were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
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Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
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And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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