Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
