This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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