she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
