I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
3 2 1 whiskey
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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