U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
