omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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