In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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