i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
