My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
