I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
