You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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