oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
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