Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
