Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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