Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
