that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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