I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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