I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
