I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
