once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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