I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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