Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
