I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
