I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
