dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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