watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
