Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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