i wish peter jackson would direct porn
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
