You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
