Life is so much better after having sex.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
