It's Friday. Sex?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
