A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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