We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
