One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
