Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
