i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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