i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
