I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
