When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
