i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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